Another round of Corner Time and another (yet bigger) Silent Spanking later...why have I not learned my lesson? Why must I incessantly aggravate the man I am so desperately trying to please? I tend to push and push until Daddy has no choice but to diffuse the situation with a punishment. I just know that I get into a "mood" (Daddy calls it an attitude) and I just don't know how to get out of it. Tonight I don't even know how it started!
Daddy said that I was acting sad. (And I was...but I truly could not say why) When I act sad and I am pouting and will not tell my Daddy why, he gets very upset. He asked me over and over again what was wrong, but I had no retort. I had no explanation as to my state of mind. I only knew that I was getting more and more upset, the longer Daddy kept on about it. And the more he kept on, the worse my attitude became. It seems that lately the only thing that will pull me out of my "attitude" is being disciplined. I do not want, or desire this...conciously. But maybe somewhere deep inside I instigate these situations? I know it sounds crazy, but I can think of no other explanation. Either that, or I am just a glutton for punishment. (And probably a little bit of both. ;)
But as usual, after my time in the corner was done and my bottom ceased to burn quite so badly, and I was curled up in Daddy's arms, I felt better. I feel calm and at peace. At peace because I know Daddy has forgiven me. And calm because Daddy will protect me. And then there's the love. Daddy is never more tender with me than after a punishment. He will hold me very close and tight. Kissing me and stroking my head and hair. Whispering things like "It's all over now." and "It's okay, Daddy's here." It's precisely at moments like these when my love for Daddy is at it's zenith. I am awash in the warmth of his love, affection and tenderness. The pain is forgotten and all I am aware of is the greatest love I have ever known or felt!