Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I Said What?

     I seem to get into the most trouble because of my big mouth.  I live in Vermont and have for 20 years.  But I am a born an bred Jersey girl at heart, with the mouth to go with it.  Add to the mix an Italian background and upbringing and you can just imagine how much I have to say about EVERYTHING!  I have never been a quiet mousy type of woman.  I speak my mind regardless of whether or not anybody wants to hear it and have always acted as such.  This new lifestyle of Domestic Discipline and having my Daddy as the Head of Household is a whole new ball game for me and at times, a very difficult role for me to play.
     Now please do not misunderstand.  This is what I wanted and have completely consented to; in point of fact, if you'll remember from earlier...this was MY idea!   That does not preclude, however, my often times shear reluctance to being told what to do.  In our marriage, he has the power to tell me what to do, where to go and how to act.  He will also correct my behavior if need be, no matter where we are.  Needless to say, I do not always find it easy to obey. Especially when he corrects me in public.  It can be quite humiliating to give back a clever retort to one of his remarks only to have him say, "Excuse me?  What did you say?"  When this occurs in company, I can assure you that the experience can be quite embarrassing.  This happened to me in a restaurant last night, and I can tell you, I was less than thrilled.  To be chastised is one thing, but for it to happen in public is a humiliating experience. I am trying, very hard, to curb my tongue and to be more respectful of my Daddy.
     He often says that the other problem is not always with the words that I say, but with my tone.  "Tone?  What tone?"  ;)  Well, tone is just another word for attitude.  Where I come from, girls are taught from conception to deliver their words with not just A tone, but the RIGHT tone for every situation.  A tone for making him feel guilty when he's late for dinner and doesn't call, a tone for getting the kids to clean up their room, a tone for making everybody feel guilty for not going to church!  It just goes on and on.  In fact, I think I had almost turned it into an art form!  ;)  And now, I have to deprogram myself of all of those behaviors.
    There are times when I actually feel incapable of doing this.  And then I see my Daddy.  So strong, so handsome, so protective!   The love I feel for him knows no bounds.  There are no lengths to which I won't go to please him.  Then I feel humbled and honored to be able to submit myself to him.  Honored that he chose me to be HIS BabyDoll, honored to be his wife.  The greatest gift I have to give him is myself, and so I do that willingly and happily.  I am his property, his own.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Mute Button

     Daddy has ordered me a new pacifier.  Not a nice pretty little pink one with flowers on it like the one I have...but one that is for punishment ONLY.  It's blue and white with a ring on it and across the front it says " Mute Button."  I am less than pleased about this.  When I first got the pacifiers, I did not know if I would like it or not.  But to my surprise I found it terribly soothing and comforting.   Now let me be clear...I am not allowed to have the pacifier whenever I want it, or need it.  I am only allowed to have it when Daddy deems it necessary or appropriate.  There have been several occasions where Daddy shoved the pacifier angrily into my mouth during Corner Time.  This was done to add to the shame and humiliation of the situation.  This is probably the only time I do not like having my pacifier.
     That is why Daddy has ordered me a new one.  This one will be for punishment ONLY.  It is Blue, I do not like that and it says "Mute Button" across the front.  I REALLY do not like that.  Daddy says it is for times when I am a very bad girl.  Daddy often tells me that I behave like a spoiled bratty little baby.  When I act like that, Daddy treats me as such.  There is most often Corner Time, followed by being put in a diaper and now, I would imagine, being made to have a "Mute Button."  I scowled when Daddy showed me his latest "on-line" purchase.  When he saw my reaction...he just laughed.  I think it pleased Daddy to no end that I was quite unhappy with his choice in pacifiers for me.  Who knew I would ever want a pacifier...and who knew that one which says "Mute Button" would anger me so?  Sometimes it's hard to be Daddy's BabyDoll.  But I love, honor and matter what.  *sigh*

P.S.  Did I mention that along with the pacifier, Daddy ordered a very LARGE wooden paddle and a new LARGER anal plug?  I will, however, expound on those topics another time.  *cringe*

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Why do I do it to myself?

     Another round of Corner Time and another (yet bigger) Silent Spanking later...why have I not learned my lesson?  Why must I incessantly aggravate the man I am so desperately trying to please?   I tend to push and push until Daddy has no choice but to diffuse the situation with a punishment.  I just know that I get into a "mood" (Daddy calls it an attitude) and I just don't know how to get out of it.  Tonight I don't even know how it started!
     Daddy said that I was acting sad.  (And I was...but I truly could not say why)  When I act sad and I am pouting and will not tell my Daddy why, he gets very upset.  He asked me over and over again what was wrong, but I had no retort.  I had no explanation as to my state of mind.  I only knew that I was getting more and more upset, the longer Daddy kept on about it.  And the more he kept on, the worse my attitude became.  It seems that lately the only thing that will pull me out of my "attitude" is being disciplined.  I do not want, or desire this...conciously.  But maybe somewhere deep inside I instigate these situations?  I know it sounds crazy, but I can think of no other explanation.  Either that, or I am just a glutton for punishment.  (And probably a little bit of both.  ;)
      But as usual, after my time in the corner was done and my bottom ceased to burn quite so badly, and I was curled up in Daddy's arms, I felt better.  I feel calm and at peace.  At peace because I know Daddy has forgiven me.   And calm because Daddy will protect me.  And then there's the love.  Daddy is never more tender with me than after a punishment.  He will hold me very close and tight.  Kissing me and stroking my head and hair.  Whispering things like "It's all over now."  and "It's okay, Daddy's here."  It's precisely at moments like these when my love for Daddy is at it's zenith.  I am awash in the warmth of his love, affection and tenderness.  The pain is forgotten and all I am aware of is the greatest love I have ever known or felt!

"Corner Time"

     I just thought I would expound a little on my thoughts about corner time as a punishment.  Let me be clear when I tell you that I HATE IT when Daddy puts me in the corner.  He only does it when I have truly disappointed him.  It is humiliating.  Daddy will tell me that if I act like a baby I will be treated like one.  He then proceeds to shove the pacifier into my mouth. exposes my bottom and puts me in the corner.
     It is hard NOT to feel humiliated by this.  I usually find myself hanging my head and sucking on my pacifier while crying softly.  My mind reels with all the thoughts of why I am there, what I did wrong and why Daddy is so upset with me.  By the time my "corner time" is over, I am usually well humbled and very remorseful.  As much as I despise it, I have to admit that it has quite an effect on my attitude and behavior.  It brings me back to the place where I am supposed to be, mentally.  I am Daddy's BabyDoll and I need to behave as such.  That means being a good girl and not disobedient.


                                                            (SEE NEXT POST)

Saturday, January 25, 2014

My Love

     Since Daddy and I began our whole journey of Domestic Discipline we have grown increasingly closer.  So close that it often scares me.  The depths to which I feel about him are terrifying.  When we are together it is the greatest joy I have ever known.  When we are apart, I feel a level of loneliness and despair that I never knew existed.  I feel grateful and honored to be able to love like this.  I think that if most people find this sort of love once in a lifetime...they are EXTREMELY lucky!

There is a hole I cannot fill without my Daddy
I am aching and bleeding and I cannot stem the tide
The loneliness that sweeps over me feels like eternal winter
Where are you?
I am as a ship that has lost it's anchor
Adrift, afloat, alone
I cannot find the door in the darkness
Where is the light with which you brighten my world?
I am cold and afraid
Next to you I am invinceable
Without you, I am nothing

My Apology

     Now let me preface this by saying that Daddy and I are still "relatively" new to this whole DD and DD/bg  lifestyle.  (Not that we would EVER go back!)  So, needless to say, I sometimes still have a VERY hard time submitting to Daddy's authority.  Especially when we are hanging out with our friends and I have had a couple of drinks and am feeling very grown up.   I usually begin to push Daddy's buttons a little bit and he does NOT like it.
      Last night I was doing just that.  I was getting upset with Daddy for doing something on his tablet while I thought he should have been paying attention to me.  I asked him to stop and he said he would when he was done.  Well I began to get more and more frustrated the longer it was taking.  So, after nagging him for 20 or 30 minutes,  I stormed off into the other room and got on MY computer.  Well, that pushed Daddy too far.  He came after me and told me, rather loudly,  that I was acting like a spoiled little baby.  He said that if I was going to act like a little baby, then he would treat me like one.  He said he would take me upstairs right then and there and put me in a diaper while our company was still here!  From the look in his eyes I knew he was dead serious.  I didn't say another word, I just glared at him.  He then went back into the other room and left me to think about what he had said. 
     The controversy died down, and we finished off the evening with our friends.  When we went to bed that night, Daddy was so upset with me that he spanked me long and hard with both his hand and his slipper.  It was so painful that I couldn't keep still and I kept wriggling out of his lap.  This did not make the situation any better.  In fact, it just made the spanking last that much longer.  I don't think Daddy has ever been THAT upset with me before. 
     I am writing this now, not because Daddy told me to, but because I KNOW that I was wrong.  I should never have treated my Daddy that way, especially in front of company.  I openly challenged his authority and that was wrong.  I have agreed to honor, obey, respect and listen  to my husband.  I did not do ANY of those things last night.  And for that...I am TRULY sorry.

                                                        I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 24, 2014

...and what happened to me

     So, where did I leave off?  Oh yes, I was awaiting my BIG SPANKING.  After Daddy took me out of the corner (BTW it ended up being 30 minutes  instead of 20...not fair!) we spent some time watching movies and then I was ready for bed.  Daddy came and tucked me in.  After he turned off the light he bent down to give me a kiss and whispered very softly, "When I come up you're going to get a spanking that you'll never forget.  You broke a cardinal rule.  Be prepared."
     Needless to say, it was not terribly easy to fall asleep after that but somehow, after a while, I managed to drift off to sleep.  The next thing I heard was Daddy coming into the bedroom.  I immediately woke up and started to panic.  My body tensed and tightened over thinking what was about to come.  Daddy slipped into bed next to me.  I think he could feel my anxiety and he put his arms around me and pulled me very close into him.  He held me like that for a minute or two until I calmed down a little.     
     He then told me that it was time for my spanking.  He pulled me up over his knee, pulled down the back flap on my pajamas and lectured me again about how important New Rule # 5 is.  The new rule is that I will NEVER tell Daddy what we will or will not do.  Daddy is the decision maker and what he says goes.  He went on to tell me that he will always seek out and listen to my advice, but that ANY and ALL decisions are up to Daddy.  I said yes, that I understood and agreed.  Daddy said that for my insolence and disrespect that I would get 15 sets of spankings.  (refer to Daddy's blog for explanation of "sets")   Daddy then stuck my pacifier in my mouth and began to spank me.
     The first hit was so hard and so painful that it sent a shockwave through my body and I cried out.  (Now you know why he put the pacifier in!)  After the first set I was whimpering and breathing very heavy, Daddy rubbed my back, reassured me that this was for my own good, and began again.  Between each set Daddy would give me a minute to compose myself, during which he would ask me to repeat the reason why I was getting this spanking.  At set 10 or 11 he switched from his hand to the bedroom slipper.  I HATE the slipper!  It has a sting to it that is highly unpleasant. 
     There were several times during this spanking that I didn't think I could take anymore.  I was screaming and crying into the pillow (and my pacifier) while my legs were kicking furiously.  At one point, Daddy had to rearrange himself so he could pin me down harder because I was flailing so much.  It felt like my bottom was going to tear open.  But it didn't and eventually it was over.  When it was, Daddy very quickly scooped me up in his arms and held me very tightly.  He rocked me back and forth, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead while I sobbed on his chest.  He repeated the words, "It's okay now.  It's all over.  It's okay BabyDoll.  You are Daddy's good girl."
     It will be a LONG time before I forget this lesson or this punishment.  I love and respect my Daddy and I must learn not to be so obstinate and headstrong.  I understand why Daddy had to punish me so severely and I respect him for having the courage to do so. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

What I did wrong...

     I got myself into some major hot water tonight.  Daddy and I were having a "discussion" about our future (in terms of our career futures) and I was feeling very grown up and assertive.  I was beginning to let my tongue get ahead of me and I made the mistake of telling Daddy what to do.  That was wrong and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I immediately regretted my decision to let them escape.
     Daddy's expression changed completely.  He grabbed me by the arm, brought me into the living stuck my pacifier in my mouth and put me in the corner.  :(  He told me that I was going to stand there and think about what I did and why he was so upset with me.  Then he went into the kitchen and set the timer for 20 minutes.   I did not like this at all.  I felt very small and ashamed.  I hung my head and stood there.  Daddy came up behind me several times to ask me to repeat why I was in the corner and why Daddy was upset with me.  At one point, Daddy came up behind me and pulled down the back flap of my jammies to expose my bottom.  I then had to remain the rest of the time in the corner with my bottom hanging out.  This, by the way, feels completely humiliating.  However, I suppose that was the point!
     Daddy says that I still have a VERY BIG spanking coming tonight after the kids are asleep.  I am not looking forward to that...but I know that whatever Daddy does is in my best interest.  I will fill you in on the rest of the night Daddy says I have to write it all down as part of my punishment. 

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Last Night...Take Two

     Okay, so Daddy wanted me to be more specific about what I said to him that was so disrespectful and was the big reason I was punished last night.  I believe that I told him to "shut up" and there was some snarky comment about him "stuffing his face" while I needed help with the kids...and (as if that wasn't enough!) another rude comment which I can't quite remember.  Those liturgical remarks were MORE than enough to earn me a pretty severe punishment!
      He also asked me to tell you about the other reason I was punished, the way I  was last night.  It was  because I broke rule #1 twice yesterday...not asking Daddy if I could go potty.  Daddy says that we have been working on this rule long enough that I should NEVER forget anymore.  From a couple of weeks ago now, my punishments for breaking rule #1 have gotten more severe.  The longer I continually break a rule, the harsher my punishment for it will get...Daddy says.  *cringe*
     So I am publicly apologizing to Daddy for what I said last night.  It was rude and disrespectful and I am VERY sorry for what I said last night and how I behaved.  I l LOVE YOU DADDY!

P.S.  I hope this explanation meets with Daddy's approval?

Last Night

     Well, Daddy says I must talk about what happened last night so here goes.  When Daddy came home, I guess he wasn't in a great mood, his day had been less than stellar.  But I must put forth that    I was not having the best day either.  After he arrived home with the kids, I busied myself in the kitchen finishing preparing dinner...roast chicken and Caesar salad...Yummy! 
     Things went okay until after dinner and homework time.  Then Daddy and I started to bump heads over various little issues.  Just one small quarrel after the other, and several threatening looks from Daddy.  I then made the mistake of asking for Daddy's help to fix some glitch with my computer.  My bad!
     He spent an hour on the phone with Amazon trying to resolve the issue.  Needless to say, the issue never did get resolved and after all that, Daddy was more grumpy and irritable than ever.  As was I, b/c the grumpier HE got, the more upset I got!  It was like a self-perpetuating vicious cycle!  By the end of it, I had received 2 lectures about my behavior and a promise of punishment yet to come.  I stormed off upstairs with Daddy's voice promising a punishment when he got up there, trailing behind me. 
     I had already fallen asleep by the time Daddy came upstairs and crawled into bed.  He wrapped me in his arms and brought me to him.  He kissed my forehead, told me he loved me and held me for a minute.  He then sat straight up like a shot and pulled me over his knee.  He then proceeded to give me another lecture about why he was upset with me and why he was going to punish me.  Then he grabbed my bottom, pulled my cheeks apart and inserted a small amount of Bengay into my rectum.  Oowwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     After about 2 seconds, the heat started to build.  After about 30 seconds, I was bouncing my bottom up and down on the bed and whimpering.  Daddy laid down and pulled me close into him so that I could not get away.  I wriggled frantically in his arms while he held me very calmly and tightly. All the while he was whispering in my ear why he was mad, how I should try to be more understanding when he needs affection and how to be a good girl.  I was whining and writhing in his arms and he just kept kissing my head, stroking my hair and holding me tighter while telling me that I was a good girl for accepting my punishment. 
     After 30 minutes or so, the heat dissipates and you are left with a cool, and tingling bottom.  He rolled me onto my back so he could play with "HIS" pussy while he told me what a good girl I was for being so brave in accepting my punishment.  He then made love to me, which by the way brought on a second round of heat from the Bengay...don't know why.  After which, he held me in his arms until I fell asleep. 
     When I awoke this morning (bottom all better from the night before  :) I had the most overwhelming desire to please him.  I felt so ashamed and embarrassed about the night before that I just wanted his forgiveness and his love.  (Which I KNOW I always have unconditionally.)  I hugged his chest and told him how sorry I was and that I would be a better girl today.  He said, "I know you will."  and he just smiled at me.   I LOVE MY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

A Kindred Spirit

     Yay!  I finally found a friend to discuss my DD relationship with!  Those of us who practice Domestic Discipline in our marriages, often have a hard time connecting to people who would potentially understand or maybe even share our lifestyle.  Most people, if I told them that I had fully submitted myself to my husbands' will, would look at me like I had 8 heads!  They would then shake their heads and ask why?!  And say things like, "Why would you do that to yourself?"
     Most of us are SO happy in our lifestyles that we would shout it from the rooftops if we could.  But society being what it is...we would more likely be crucified for trying to set our gender back 100 years.  Especially where I live,  in the land of the "hairy-legged, no-bra-wearin' women libbers"...i.e. Vermont! 
     I don't criticize women for not shaving their legs, (or armpits...eeew! well, maybe that was slightly critical!), or not washing their hair, or breastfeeding their babies while in the check-out line at the grocery store...yeah!  So why should you criticize any woman for submitting (of her own free will of course!) to the man she married?  I vowed to love, honor and OBEY my husband.  And I will spend the rest of my life doing just that!
     But I digress!  I was saying how happy I was to find a friend on-line to talk to!  It turns out we have a ton in common and I think, we understand eachother!  :)   It will just be nice to talk to someone openly and honestly about,a lifestyle wich is HIGHLY misunderstood.   Anywho, just wanted to post my thoughts on what happened today.  Love to EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 20, 2014

"Doll" Days...Part 2

     On Sunday morning I was so excited b/c Daddy said he was taking me out for breakfast.  (Something we rarely do b/c money is usually so tight).  He then reminded me that I would still have to wear my diaper.  I felt crestfallen.  All my excitement drained away and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of panic and fear.  Daddy then said that we would also be going to the grocery store and that I wasn't just expected to wear my diaper but that I was expected to use it as well.  I was absolutely terrified and Daddy could see it on my face.   I could tell he was a little worried about me, so he tried to assuage my fears.   He hugged me very close and very tight and whispered, " Don't worry.  Everything will be okay...I won't leave your side."  And somehow, those words made everything magically better.  My apprehension level dropped, and I felt a surge of comfort in my Daddy's words.
     Breakfast was fantastic!  For the first time ever I think I actually finished all the food on my plate.  I was feeling really good, and almost comfortable when we got back in the car to head to the store.  However, as we pulled into the crowded parking lot, my anxiety level began to climb.   I started breathing quicker and I started to feel extrememly hot. 
     As we entered the store Daddy held onto my arm VERY tightly, almost as if to hold me up.  Right when we entered the store I could feel myself starting to urinate and I had to stand still in front of the fresh pasta section.  Daddy waited a minute and then asked me if I was finished.  I nodded shamefully yes, and he told me that I was a very good girl.  We then began to move through to the produce section.  Just then, we ran smack into my son's School Principal and another mother from the school!  I was mortified!  I could not believe I had to stand there and make small talk with the principal of a CATHOLIC school in my wet diaper!  Well, let me tell you, I am naturally olive skinned and do not blush easily, but I could feel my face turning 50 shades of red as I stood there!  We made our excuses rather quickly and moved on to the wine aisle..(I needed SEVERAL drinks at that moment!)  My Daddy started laughing and said he had never seen me turn SO red! 
     The rest of the excursion was spent with me trying to get my Daddy out of the store, and Daddy trying to move as slowly as possible.  When Daddy mentioned that he had wanted to stop at the hardware store as well, I thought I would just die!  However, Daddy took pity on me and drove us home.  I was never so glad to see my house!  After we got home, Daddy had me shower and shave and then he brought me to the bedroom.  First he laid me down on the changing area to take my temperature.  It was even higher than the day before and Daddy was genuinely concerned.  He said if it didn't improve, he would have to think of something else.
     After taking my temperature and swaddling me in a fresh clean diaper, he settled me on the couch with a blanket and some Ibuprofen for the fever.  We talked, laughed, watched T.V. and just enjoyed the next part of the afternoon.  A little later, Daddy said that he needed to change me and take my temperature again.  He also said that I had some spankings coming.  (Mostly from cursing, I tend to curse a lot more when I have been drinking!)  The first thing Daddy did, after we got upstairs, was to bend me over the end of the bed and give me a lecture.  Daddy likes to give me my lectures either in this position or across his knee b/c it removes any ideas I might have that I am a BIG girl and in charge.  I could then tell that he was holding and playing with something in his hand.  I didn't know what it was, but I knew what it was for.  I still didn't know what it was until I heard it come whistling through the air and land on my bottom with a loud SLAP which stung like HELL!  Daddy was using my own slipper to spank me!  Not the nice soft fluffy side but the hard rubber soled side.  This, by the way for anyone who does not know, hurts quite a bit.  I had never before had a spanking that stung like this one did.  By the time it was over, the blanket I was burying my face in was soaked with tears, along with my face.  When it was all over, Daddy stood me up.   He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face to his.  He wiped my face and kissed my tears away and rocked me for a long time.  He knew that I had FELT this punishment. 
     When I had finally calmed down and stopped crying, my Daddy led me to the changing area to take my temperature and diaper me.  This time when he took my temperature, it was over 100 degrees.  Daddy said I needed to be cleansed and went he downstairs to the bathroom.  When he returned, he was carrying the enema bag (YUCK!).  He lubed up the nozzle and inserted it into my rectum.  The water felt like it was rushing in at the rate of the Colorado River and I begged Daddy to make it slower.  He did, while allowing me to change positions so that I could try to become more comfortable and accept all of the water.  He even stopped several times to give me a minute to rest and accept it.
     Once I couldn't take any more, Daddy removed the enema nozzle and then inserted the anal plug to make me hold the water in as long as possible.  This felt like complete agony!  Daddy made me stay that way as long as I could.  He then removed the plug and I BARELY made it to the bathroom in time!  After this, he allowed me to stay undiapered for a while (seeing as how I was running to the toilet every 10 minutes!)  Once I had finally gotten rid of all the water, he diapered me, held me and told me how very proud he was of me.  He was proud of how I listened to him, proud of how I handled myself out in public and proud of the fact that I am HIS wife.   
     The rest of our weekend was spent with Daddy cuddling me, changing me and loving on me!  I am the luckiest woman in the world to have a Daddy who cares so much and who is SO loving and attentive!  I love this man more than the air that I breathe!  Thank You Daddy!

"Doll" Days...Part 1

     So needless to say, I was more than a little nervous for Daddy's return on Saturday afternoon.  I knew he had a BIG spanking planned for me and I was NOT looking forward to it.  When he got home, I made sure I was showered, shaved and dressed in my nightgown for Daddy.  He sent me to the bedroom and he followed behind me.  He bent me over the end of the bed and lifted my nightgown.  He then proceeded to lecture me about why I was receiving this spanking and how many sets I would receive for each infratction.  (To understand "sets" visit Daddy's blog)  He told me that I would be getting 20 sets of spankings!!!  12 of which were for not asking to go potty, four were for cursing and four were for disrespecting Daddy.  He spanked me long and hard, after which he stood me up, brushed the hair out of my eyes and held me tight.
      He then took me over to a changing area he had set up.  The first thing he did was to take my temperature.  (I don't think I need to tell you where he put the thermometer!)  It turned out that I had a small temperature and Daddy looked concerned.  (To be honest, my ear was aching and I didn't feel great, but I wasn't about to ruin our weekend together) and said that he would have to keep an eye on my temperature all weekend.  He then wrapped my sore bottom in a soft diaper.  He explained that this was not necessarily a "Learning Day" but that it would be a "Doll Day".  A "Doll Day" is a day (or period of time) in which I am Daddy's BabyDoll.  He diapers me, cuddles me and makes me feel loved and protected.   It is a time to give up ALL control to Daddy.
      I would like to clarify about the diaper situation. Though my Daddy puts me in a diaper, I am not expected to act like a baby.  (However just the act of wearing a diaper makes you feel VERY childlike)  I do not eat baby food, or crawl on all fours or play with toys.  I must still cook dinner, wash dishes, all my normal things,  just in a diaper.  It is the act of deciding when I would like to go to the bathroom that has been taken away from me.  As Daddy has explained it to me, making me wear the diaper is not about infantilizing me so much as it is the purpose of the diaper to remove all personal will from me.  I am to give up EVERYTHING to Daddy, not only myself but all of my most personal and intimate thoughts and actions.  Giving  up control of everything including your own bodily functions, is the fullest way to submit to someone.  Daddy knows that this is the hardest thing for me to accomplish, that is why he pushes me past my comfort zone.  He is pushing my boundaries to see if I am truly sincere in my submission to him.  Well I am.  No matter how hard, nor how uncomfortable or embarrassing something is, I will ALWAYS do what my Daddy asks of me.  And I will feel honored every day that he gives me that chance to obey him.
      The rest of Saturday was spent watching movies, drinking cocktails and snuggling (with several diaper changes and temperature readings thrown in  ;)  We went to bed fairly early and Daddy told me to get my rest.  He had BIG plans for his BabyDoll tomorrow...cringe!

                                                                   To Be Continued...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Nervous Anticipation

     Well, my Daddy and I are going to have some alone time!  The kids are going to Grandma's for the weekend and I know that Daddy has some BIG plans for me!  (BTW for those of you concerned, our children are NEVER present while my husband is disciplining me and we do not use corporal punishment EVER on them!  However, Daddy will scold me in front of the kids.)
     I don't know if what he has planned for the weekend will be "Learning Days" or not.  He has told me that I am in for one hell of a spanking when he gets home due to my potty infractions, disrespect and general "mouthiness" as of late.  I am more than a little nervous about his return this afternoon.  I do not know what to expect but my stomach is fluttering in anticipation of it.
     Doubtless, I shall have much to tell you all by Monday morning!  That is, if my bottom can withstand what Daddy has planned for it!

                                         Love to EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Lesson Learned

     Daddy is right.  We were not having a good night last night.  I was tired and grumpy and just having a very bad day.  Stress over my Daddy's job, mounting bills, children's problems (i.e. shuffling them around after school, getting homework done, baths etc.) and finding something to make for dinner when payday isn't until tomorrow and the cupboard is "bare" so to speak.
     Daddy came home, and though I was VERY happy to see him, my general unhappiness about the  day just overpowered even my joy in seeing him. I was in no mood for small talk or pleasant conversation.  I  was short tempered and snappy.   By the time Daddy had had enough, I was already OVERDUE for a spanking for the way I had been conducting myself.  So Daddy turned me over the end of the couch and spanked me 10 times...HARD.
     It hurt a lot and it made me cry, but Daddy took me in his arms and said "Now that's enough of this."  Then he held me until I calmed down.  After my spanking, I just felt tired and embarrassed and just wanted to go to bed.  So I kissed Daddy goodnight and went upstairs.  I was upset and exhausted and fell asleep rather quickly, for me, and didn't wake up until Daddy came upstairs to tuck me in.  He made sure I was nice and cozy and gave me my pacifier.  :)
     A little while later, Daddy came to bed.  He climbed in next to me and held me for a while.  He than, rather bluntly said, "Are you ready for your spankings?"  What?!  Daddy told me that I was still owed spankings for cursing (I am not allowed to curse, Daddy says it is unbecoming of a lady and he is right) talking back to him and disrespecting him.  Now I was mostly asleep and in no mood for this...but I reluctantly got on Daddy's lap for my punishment.
     Now I don't know if it was b/c I was asleep, or Daddy was extra hard, but those spankings HURT!  So much so, that after the first few I wiggled out of Daddy's lap.  THAT was a mistake.  The rest of the spanking did not go as easily!  I was bawling into the pillow by the time he was done.  Then he took me in his arms, caressed me, told me how much he cherished and loved me and why he had to punish me.
      I love him and I always understand.  This is what I have agreed to.  I want him to correct me and make me be a better person.  I want to be the best person I can possibly be for my Daddy and if that includes hard spankings and other disciplinary actions when I deserve them, than so be it.  I will always obey and love my Daddy!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Learning Days

     My Daddy has just introduced what he is calling "Learning Days" into our routine.   He tells me that these will be days when the WHOLE day is devoted to correcting some sort of behavior of mine.  Daddy has asked me to explain how he treated me and punished me yesterday on this, our first "Learning Day."
    Okay, here we go:  First  Daddy sent me a text message telling me to go and shower and clean myself (and of course shave every part of me) for him.  I was then to meet him upstairs in the bedroom in my nightgown and socks.  (Daddy likes nightgowns b/c he can have access to me at any time he wants me, and I secretly think he likes me to look like a little girl!)
     When I got upstairs he told me that I was not to speak unless spoken to and I must begin every sentence today with "Daddy".  He had all sorts of things laid out on the bed for me to see.  While I stood there he lectured me about why we were going to have a "learning day."  It was b/c I have a VERY hard time asking Daddy to go potty.  It's not that I don't want to, you understand, I just think that there is some subconscious part of me that just sometimes refuses to give up that independence.  Well, I was going to have to give up that independence today...Daddy had the diapers out.
     After the lecture (and the explanation of how all the various implements would be used throughout the day) he pulled my nightgown up, bent me over the bed and left me there.  He put all the things he was going to use that day to punish me right under my nose and he left to take a shower.  I stayed there for about 15 minutes just staring at those things (rectal thermometer, anal plug, beads, Bengay etc.)  My mind was whirling!
     When he finally returned he told me that I was going to be in a diaper all day and would truly be his BabyDoll in every sense of the word, but first he was going to deliver several sets of spankings.  They were VERY long and VERY hard.  By the end I was a crying sobbing mess.  He took me in his arms...dried my tears and led me over to where he was going to change me.  I have never been diapered before and it was a truly terrifying experience at much so that my legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably as Daddy made me drink a HUGE glass of water very quickly!  But Daddy made it feel very sweet and gentle as he swaddled my bottom in the soft cotton diaper.  (After taking my temperature of course!)  The diaper felt comforting against the heat of my throbbing bottom, and I let him lead me out of the bedroom.  Daddy took a seat on the couch and had me curl up next to him.  I snuggled right up under his chin and sighed with comfort.  I knew I had more punishments coming, but right at that moment I was the happiest, and safest, BabyDoll alive!
     By the way...the diaper thing?  Not as easy as it sounds to actually USE them!  When Daddy first told me that I would be using the diaper all day (with the exception of needing to go poopy), I did not anticipate how difficult it would be psychologically to "let loose" so to speak.  I fought going peepee for a long time.  To the point where it was REALLY starting to hurt.  At this point I was pacing nervously and holding my legs together.  Daddy saw this and he told me to come to him on the couch...he wrapped me in a blanket and put his arms around me and held me so tight!  He told me that everything was okay and that I was safe.  That he was my Daddy and would never let anything happen to me.  After a few minutes of this, I finally was able to release myself and pee into my diaper.  I cried and cried and shuddered the whole way through, the first time.  There is such a letting go of all your most basic bodily functions and your sense of self reliance.  I have NEVER trusted anyone so much as to give up this part of my most intimate self to them, but with Daddy, he makes it all okay.  I know that he would never hurt or abuse me when I am in these vulnerable positions.  He is the best Daddy in the world!
     After the first few times peeing in my diaper it became easier.  I  still shook and cried the next few times, but every time Daddy held me, told me everything was alright and that he was SO PROUD of his BabyDoll.  This made me SO happy.  All I want to do is to please my Daddy!  I love it when he says things like this and treats me like his good little girl.  Daddy is very sweet an gentle when he is pleased with me.  There is nothing worse than looking into Daddy's eyes and seeing disappointment there.  It crushes me to my very soul.
     So this is how our day progressed...Daddy would occasionally change me (always taking my temperature of course...what a loving and attentive Daddy!) and clean me and make me all sweet smelling again!  This action of being diapered and changed is one that is extremely powerful, moving and can be frightening (i.e. loss of personal control).  I became so comfortable with my diaper though, that I started peeing spontaneously and without any preparation or forethought.  If I changed positions on the couch, I would just start to pee.  If I coughed or sneezed, I peed.  It was scary, titillating and one of the most moving experiences of my life!
     However, I digress.  I  know that Daddy wants me to talk about the other "new" punishments he has added to his arsenal.  At one point, he stood me up, bent me over, undid my diaper and shoved in my anal plug.  Ouch!  Too fast!  But he just redid my diaper tabs and told me "matter of factly" that I would be wearing my plug inside the diaper until he deemed it no longer necessary.  I was not happy to say the least.  The plug has a tendency to fall out, especially when moving or walking and as Daddy had warned me...I did not want HIM to be the one to have to push it back in my bottom, so it had better stay in there.  I HATE the anal plug!  I couldn't wait to have Daddy remove it from my bottom!
     He must have left it in for about 4 hours or so...until he finally told me that I may go to the bathroom to remove it, but that I was not allowed to USE the bathroom.  I did as I was told and went back to snuggle in Daddy's lap.  Daddy let me lay there a long time, enjoying the comfort and serenity I get from being cradled in his arms.  I would occasionally go peepee and he would tell me what a good girl I was.  It was all extremely intimate and very special.
     When it was time for my next changing however, it was a different story.  Daddy decided to try out his Bengay for the first time.  We have read (from multiple sources) that this can be used on the bottom or up inside the rectum as a form of "silent" spanking.  Daddy was going to teach me a lesson about asking to go potty.  He said I never remembered, and this had to stop.  Daddy would make it stop by giving me something to remind me.  He then took a Q-tip and put the Bengay into my rectum.
     For those of you who have never experienced!  Does that ---- burn!  As soon as he touched it to my skin it began to burn and the burn kept building in intensity for the first 10 minutes.  I writhed around like a fish on a hook and whined and moaned to Daddy that it burned!  He told me that was the point and that he hoped I wouldn't forget to ask to go potty anymore.  After about 10 minutes of this I began to accept the sensation, as it was also beginning to plateau.  (The Bengay burns like fire at first, then levels off into a steady burning and throbbing sensation, before it starts to lose its heat after about 30 minutes.)  Daddy was very pleased with the way his new punishment was working out.  (Even giggling several times at how pleased he was with himself and his new punishment "method")  He has told me that this is how I will ALWAYS be punished now when we are out in public, or have people over.  He will take me upstairs, or someplace out of sight and insert the Bengay into my rectum.  He will then expect me to go back downstairs and act as if nothing had happened.  We'll see how this works out...I don't know if I can stay silent through it!
     By the end of the day, I was so tired and worn out (both physically and emotionally) that all I wanted was for my Daddy to take me upstairs, change my diaper, and tuck me into bed!  Which he did with such love and tenderness that it astounds me!  He crawled into bed beside me, cradled me in his arms and rocked me gently.  Daddy also allowed me to suck my thumb.  All was right with the world!

P.S.  Daddy said he will buy me my very own pacifier!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Forms of Discipline

     Why would anyone want to be disciplined?  I think this is a question to which the answer is so primal and innate that it is almost unanswerable. We need to feel loved, protected and nurtured.
We want to know that our mate would do anything and everything to keep us and our families safe.  I know that I have always craved structure and discipline...I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame, and thank God that I have finally found my Daddy!
     So we know that Daddy is very fond of spanking when I break a rule. Usually this is accomplished with his hand.  Daddy has used a wooden spoon once before and I HATED it!  I also don't like it when Daddy makes me bend over while standing up, for a spanking.  Both things make me feel very out of control and unsafe.  I need to feel Daddy's (i.e. his hand or be over his knee) connection to me to achieve that feeling of security and safety.  This does not mean that Daddy does not have other forms of punishments up his sleeve.  
     We are beginning to implement all sorts of discipline techniques to help me remember how to behave.  For example, one day, when I didn't ask to go potty all day, Daddy created an assignment for me.  I had to write out 100 times (on paper in long hand!) " I will always ask Daddy to go potty, if it is okay with him."  It took me 2 hours of solid writing and 7 sheets of notebook paper!  It was a real pain...but it did help me to least for a day or two!  ;)
     I worry that as Daddy reads other suggestions and gets more creative, my punishments will only get harder...but that is what I signed on for!  I love my Daddy and I am SO grateful that he takes the time and effort to correct me when I have done something wrong.  He is the man of my dreams!

Friday, January 10, 2014

My Rules

     So I have rules that I am to follow...and I am asked to repeat them to my Daddy whenever he asks...(often during a spanking, so as to drive them home).  There are Four Rules so far in Daddy's repertoire but the list grows weekly.  I just hope it doesn't grow too long for me to remember...ouch!:(
     1.  Always respect Daddy
     2.  Always ask Daddy to go potty (it is a small way in which Daddy enforces his authority
           and reminds me all day every day who my Daddy is)
     3.  Always stay shaved for Daddy (this means ALL hair that is not on my head!)
     4.  NEVER say NO to Daddy (I may always disagree with Daddy but I must always do it
           in a respectful manner)
     So there are my rules.  I do my best to obey them...but at times I slip!  My most usual infraction is mouthing off to Daddy and being disrespectful.  I am really in for it if I curse at Daddy.  If the children are not home I can often count on being bent over and spanked really hard 8 to 10 times wherever I am for being super mouthy.  As Daddy is fond of saying, " Your mouth is writing checks your butt can't cash."  Why do I say these things?

P.S.  Did I mention that I have a REALLY hard time with the potty thing as well?  Not quite sure what that's about!  ;)

To check out Daddy's blog click on

The Beginning

     I am unsure of exactly how to do this "blog" thing, but I have been so filled with emotion and feelings on a certain subject that I had to find some form of release for it!  Let me preface this by saying that my husband and I have been together for 10 years...married for 6 and I love and value him and our children more than life itself.
     I have always (subconsciously of course!) wanted a and strong, authoritative man to take me in hand and teach me how to behave like a good little girl.  It's probably the reason I have been such a bitch all these years...always dominating the relationship until I found the one man who was actually "man" enough to push back! 
     Almost 2 months ago now my husband and I entered into a completely new phase of our relationship involving adult discipline.  I decided to give the greatest gift I have to give to my husband...myself.  I have submitted fully and completely to him.  This means not only sexually but as the head of our household.  He makes the rules and I obey them or I get punished for it.(Usually a good sound spanking.) My husband makes all the decisions for our family, and I am more than happy to let him do so.  He never makes decisions without talking to me and consulting my advice...but of course the final say on any subject is his.  I know that any decision that he makes will be in the best interest of me and our two children. 
     I have never felt so happy or fulfilled as I have in the past two months!  We have entered a new phase of our lives together and I don't regret it for one second.  I have never felt so safe and so loved as I do when I am curled up in Daddy's arms after a hard spanking.  He is always gentle and fair.  Never punishing me without cause (and believe me...sometimes I give him ENDLESS reasons to punish me!).
     Daddy loves and cherishes me...he tells me every day that I am the greatest gift he has ever received.  I know that he would never abuse the power he has over me...yet I know that he will correct and punish me when I need it and I expect no less. The way he calls me BabyDoll makes me shudder.  I feel safe, secure, loved and protected.  I love my Daddy and I am proud and honored to belong to him!
     I Will be posting and making changes, from time to time, so please be patient with me as I figure out this whole computer "blog" thing!  Thanks! :)